...

I went for a little night walk. The air was crisp; the exterior of the apartment complex smelled like febreeze; I walked just a few blocks but I feel like it was an out-of-this-world journey. Or maybe, it was an in-the-world journey: like, way in this world. I was barefoot, and so I could feel every little sensation beneath my feet; very grounded. The atmosphere was quiet, pensive. There were very few sounds; some guy listening to music on a porch; some crickets; frogs, but significantly less than the zillions that are usually out there.

I felt completely real, and whole, for the first time in a little while. I felt incredibly sober. Sometimes, I feel like the only people that really know what the real world is like are those who are out and about at night in a small little town. And, since there aren't many of us, from that I guess most people don't really know what the "real world" is like - natural, calm, uncaring of humans for the most part, but generous enough to them.

You know, it's funny. I showed my uncle Alex a paper I was writing one time, and he scoffed. "It's not the real world," he says. A lot of people seem to feel this way. Calmness, patience, space to pursue your interests? That's not "real." Science isn't "real." Happiness, awesomeness, and all the positive emotions? Those are fake. But suffering? Drug abuse? Not being able to see those kids? That's all real.

Now, clearly this is a dumb line of thinking. Sure, those things seem real if you make them your world, but the truth is that humans are the best authors of their own misery. Your social problems, this world that you create for yourself... "be here at this time, be there at that time," "don't do this, do that..." all of this stuff is a complete fiction. It is socially constructed, and it is the farthest sense from nature one can experience.

Maybe some people are different. But, to me, misery, anger, etc.; these things feel *raw*, sure; they feel visceral. But they don't feel sincere (most of the time, for me; I always have to say "for me" or "in my opinion" to maintain the illusion of humility, because otherwise people will think I'm universalizing my experience when I don't intend to). Tranquility, temperance; all that is good - my compass reads all of this as much more real than the alternative.